29 april 2016

Get a grip on it!

Winding down. Letting all obligations and restrictions go. We have the tendency to stress ourselves and our bodies to constantly being in motion. To push forward when we actually want to hold back. Live in the future, without appreciating the current moment or what has passed. Only seeing possibilities in what has yet to come, while forgetting how to use the experiences which formed you to who you are today.

It can be scary to wind down, appreciate the moment you are in right now, without expectations or obligations. Dealing with yourself, in your current state. Acknowledging who you are, with all your sparkles, experiences and distinguishing flaws. You will be coerced to accept how it is.

This somewhat philosophical outburst relates to my current state of mind. Im in Ubud, Bali, where I decided to wind down. To notice which ideas are popping into my mind, which aspects of my character surface, and what it is I find most important in life. An inward journey.

What better place to focus on this journey than here, in Indonesia. Nine years ago this was the place where I started, what I can say now, an ongoing traveling love story. Indonesia, where I found my second great love, where I learned about spirituality, and where I found myself. Now, again in search of myself I am here, trying to get a grip on all that is happening and what I’m feeling.

Last night I had a long conversation with the owner of my guesthouse. An educated man, who has seen the world, but accepted that here in Ubud, with his family, is where he belongs. Even though there is a longing for the unknown, a chance of a ‘wealthier’ life abroad, he accepted his need of having his family around. And although he just sits around, smoking, this is where he wants to be. Including all drawbacks and restrictions.

For me, I’ve come to accept some parts of my character I used to struggle with. Characteristics other people told me to change. However now I can say with full conviction that this is me. No need to change anymore, but accept and act from strength instead of uncertainty. My friend called it my mysterious side, which I like a lot more than what I used to call it.

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