“Be confused, it’s where you begin to learn new things. Be broken, it’s where you begin to heal. Be frustrated, it’s where you start to make more authentic decisions. Be sad, because if we are brave enough we can hear our own heart’s wisdom through it.”
5 months since the last time I walked the streets of Delhi. Expecting the same feeling of thrill and intense excitement, the dissolution hits me hard. Instantly remembering expectations are your worst enemy. It takes over your mind as memories of what you think should come. Leaving you confused and distressed when not met. Did I make the right decision to go here, to leave all what I love behind to jump into the unexpected?
I wish I could say all my doubts had fallen off my shoulders when flying high through the sky to my new home, but I can’t. It seems like the more you want it to match your expectations, the further it is drifting away. Lonely in a house filled with people, walls formed through a different language, habits, and a strange feeling of dependency which is in total contrast with my personality. Its seems like doubts and insecurities are increasing, where I expected India to give me answers and clarity.
But answers are only found inside yourself, not in a country or provided on a silver platter by someone else. We need to give ourselves time and space to let it sink in, to understand, and find your way. Not trying to force wat you expect, but open minded, free of what should be, full of what could be. Or as Bob Marley sang “don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright”.